Sorry do my shoulders offend you?

Recently I’ve had to deal with a lot of comments about how I dress, and you know what? I’m not here for it. I am a strong believer of body autonomy and I choose to dress in a way that makes me happy, I don’t dress for anyone but myself, yet people still find a way to involve themselves in my decisions. Which in 2018 I didn’t think would be the case.

Every Sunday night, a few mates of mine go to the bar across the street from where we work for a few drinks. We even pop into this bar mid-week and it would be an understatement to say the staff knew us well. One night a girl from work went home with my top, leaving me with just my alcohol stained uniform to wear instead. After a major breakdown my mate and I decided, fuck it. What better to wear than just my bra instead. Okay so I know at this point that may sound a bit risqué, but hear me out. The bra was matched with high waisted shorts, leather jacket and a pair of heals (that matched the bra, yeah it was a match made in heaven) Whilst not an ideal outfit it looked put together and I totally rocked it if I do say so myself. Feeling slightly nervous, I put head back and strutted into the bar like the was no tomorrow, my mates from this bar wolf whistled in appreciation and told me to rock it. I felt a million dollars. But one of the bartenders sulked and told me to be careful. Sorry scratch the record. Be careful? Be careful of what may I ask you? Why would I need to be careful when I have a jacket on that covers practically everything bar a bit of cleavage in an establishment that I trust where I would be sitting at the back with my mates. A few days later I was in the same bar, still feeling the remnants of anger over the whole thing I asked the bar tender why he had such a problem that night, and you know what? He didn’t have an answer. I pressed the issue further and he then went on to say if I had been flat chested like some of the other girls that wear braletts in the bar he wouldn’t have so much of an issue with it. What bull fuckery is this? If I was flatter chested I could have worn that outfit with no questions asked? Can men not handle an inch of cleavage? Will their brains explode? Please, I need answers why in this modern day there is a discrepancy over what women can wear measured over the levels of cleavage she can achieve.

As annoying as this encounter was, it came a few days after my boss commented that my outfit was “skimpy” during our Halloween dress up night. Which I think exacerbated my reaction. To note my outfit wasn’t skimpy, I was in my usual black work jeans and red top with a bardot/boat neck neckline. No cleavage, just (now don’t be too alarmed) the top of my shoulders and collar bones exposed. (I know, so shocking. Go make yourself some tea and calm down after that scandal before you read on) This comment was brought on by my complaining that it was freezing on the bar (it was, no heating caused it to be 3 degrees on the bar) where I was then told if my outfit wasn’t so skimpy I wouldn’t be so cold. Realising his archaic mistake, a joke about next I would have my ankles on show was made. I then gleefully proceeded to exhibit my uncovered ankle and walked away.

Such small comments but such a large impact on modern society, demonstrating the dated views men still have over women’s body’s. Whilst I feel autonomous over my body, the fact is, I am not. We have come so far in the development of women’s rights yet I am still often made to feel like I am purely seen as an object that men can discuss. I can’t count the number of times customers have told me to smile when they are openly discussing me in lewd terms to their mates. No pal. Why should I smile at you when all I’m doing is my job and you’re stood there like billy big bollocks bragging to your mates about what you would do to me if you had a chance. I’ll tell you now, you don’t have a chance.

So please. Can we go into 2019 and just mind our own business, get on with our own lives? Stop being so preoccupied by what others wear or how they present themselves and care a little more about supporting our peers to feel the best they can about themselves. I can tell you that before the bar tender said anything, whilst at first uncomfortable my mates boosted me up and I felt so empowered in that outfit. I felt great and in control of my body. This has inspired part of my New Year’s resolution (which I have been slightly doing this year as well) Which is to focus on empowering other women. If you see a girl whose top looks great, tell her. If you see someone and think their vibe and style if really cool, tell them. If you meet someone and they have an amazing skill set, tell them. But for the love of god, stop obsessing over shoulders.

#Life #jobs #Happy